Not Giving Up

During the week of Thanksgiving, I wanted so badly to be thankful for everything we have been blessed with--a warm, beautiful home, secure jobs, loving family, loyal friends, cuddly dogs, more than enough food, and many many more wonderful blessings.  My whole family was able to be home together for Thanksgiving this year, with my parents hosting 22 people in their home for a week, 12 adults and 10 kids 10 and under.  I loved having them here, I loved spending time with my siblings, and I loved getting to know my nieces and nephews better.  However, I couldn't help but feel a gray cloud hanging over my head, full of sadness and heartache.  How could I be so down while having all the people I love the most surrounding me? I felt selfish for not putting my misery behind me and just being thankful for all I have. If you have been feeling sad, lonely, depressed, or just gloomy for any reason, please read this article.  My cousin shared a beautiful article with me that reminded me we can still be thankful, even in our times of sorrow. 

http://shereadstruth.com/2014/11/24/give-thanks-sorrow/

A couple of weeks ago, Kyhle and I had some genetic testing done, and I had an MRI on my uterus to see if we could find the cause of my miscarriage.  Oddly, we were hoping they would find something wrong so we would have an answer and hopefully a way to treat it.  Last week, we got the news that I have a blood clotting disorder, known as "antiphospholipid antibody".  This is when my body creates a blood clot surrounding the baby and doesn't allow the placenta to properly implant.  This is good news, as it is treatable!  They will have me start taking 2 daily shots of Heparin, along with one baby aspirin (a blood thinner) everyday.  If I am able to become pregnant again, I will continue the injections throughout my pregnancy. 

Yesterday, Kyhle and I had a follow up with Dr. Gentry to discuss our next plan of attack, and also get my MRI results back.  We were pretty confident the MRI would come back with no issues, but I couldn't help but feel a bit nervous.  As Dr. Gentry read my results, he told us that I have a condition called "adenomyosis."  This is a condition similar to endometriosis, which I also have.  Adenomyosis happens when you have endometrial tissue growing inside of your uterus, instead of lining it on the outside.  There is an area of tissue about one inch thick inside my uterus.  Women with adenomyosis typically also have endometriosis, but my doctor was shocked to see I have it, as it usually comes after your childbearing years, around the time of menopause.  

Because of my diagnosis, we have to create a whole new plan of attack, as we have to clear the adenomyosis before we can move forward with any possibility of pregnancy.  I will start taking an injection called Lupron, once a month for three months.  The Lupron will put me through a medically induced menopause, as menopause is the only way to clear the condition, aside from having surgery to have it removed.  Dr. Gentry doesn't want to do surgery because he is concerned it would cause more scar tissue, and not allow enough room for a baby to implant.  He told us that unfortunately, it will cause me to go through all of the typical menopause symptoms for the next three months--hot flashes, migraines, weight gain, bleeding, mood swings, and joint and muscle aches and pains.  We are feeling pretty nervous, and quite honestly, a bit terrified.  Just four weeks ago, we were happily pregnant, basking in every single moment of pure joy.  Now we have to put the possibility of any future pregnancy off for three months to go through "menopause" instead.  Doesn't seem too fair, does it? 

Yesterday was a pretty hard, emotional, and all around frustrating day.  Kyhle and I really felt like we were just hit really hard, one thing after another.  Dr. Gentry told us that if there is a challenge a woman can face while trying to become pregnant, I've got it.  He said I am a triple threat with the low AMH levels (not enough eggs), my blood clotting disorder, and my adenomyosis.  He also let us know he hasn't seen a patient this young with all of these issues together.  

Kyhle and I couldn't help but wonder if it truly is all worth it? I will be pumping my body full of medications and hormones for the next 6 months-1 year in hopes of getting pregnant again.  I lose my insurance that gives me some infertility coverage when I turn 26 in July, so we are under a pretty big time constraint.  As I was talking with my friend today, I told her I was ready to just give up and let it all go.  I told her I didn't think it was all worth it--the emotional and physical toll infertility takes on us.  She mentioned that what they found, is all treatable.  They didn't tell me I can't have children.  She said to me told me we just have to pray to Heavenly Father and say, "We've found out some new complications.  They are treatable so we are going to try to fix them.  We're doing all we can to have children biologically.  We're going to try the new treatments and meds til my next birthday, as long as we can pay for it.  After that, we'll pursue adoption.  Help us to trust in the outcome either way."

Kyhle and I can let this get us down.  We can give up, and just say no more.  But we feel strongly that is not what we are supposed to do.  I have always wanted to be a mom.  Always.  I know the Lord would not have given me such a strong, righteous desire if it wasn't meant to be.  We are not quitters.  We know we are meant to be parents, and we know it will happen.  We will continue to have sad days, and some days are harder than others.  Recently, I feel there have been many more sad days than happy, and that's okay.  

                                                                 

One Week

It all started on Tuesday, October 21.  I left work at 12:30, waiting for the phone call with our test results.  I woke up that morning with a bad feeling, and I just felt like it was going to be a negative. Why not?  I've never had a positive, so why would this be any different, right?  I couldn't focus at work all morning, and I started trembling around 12:00.  I drove home, curled up on the couch, and stared at my phone.  I kept staring, staring, and staring.  I was watching Dancing With The Stars to try and distract myself, but it just wasn't working.  Then 2:45...the phone rang.  I looked down and saw the doctor's number and I immediately started crying.  I was terrified to answer.  

Me: Hello?

Maria: Hey, Rebecca!  How are you?

Me: I'm alright...how are you?"

Maria: It was positive, mommy!!

Cue the tears.  Man, I don't remember the last time I cried like that.  I was in complete shock.  I could barely talk to her, as I couldn't slow myself down from crying.  I just kept saying, "Are you serious? Are you sure?" She then proceeded to tell me that my levels were great and there was no denying the positive result.  She told me I would come back in two days for the 48 hour check up and make sure my numbers increase/double.  I told her thank you over and over again, hung up the phone, and sat on my couch in heavy tears for a good 15 minutes before I even called Kyhle.  The dogs were so confused why I was crying, so they were licking me, nudging me with their heads, and getting right in my face trying to make sure I was okay.  I swear they knew what was happening.  I then calmed myself down enough to call Kyhle. 

Kyhle: Hey...

Me: Hi, daddy!

Kyhle (in tears): Oh my gosh, are you serious?

Me (in tears): Yep!! It was positive!

Kyhle: Okay, I have to call you back!

I then texted my good friend who just gave birth to her beautiful twins via IVF, and called my best friend to let her know our news.  I was on cloud nine--I couldn't sit still.  Was this real? I waited and waited to tell my parents because I wanted to tell them in person with Kyhle and waited for him to get home at 6:30.  As soon as he walked in the door, we headed over to my parent's house.  My poor parents waited the entire day to find out our news.  As we walked in their front door, they were sitting at the table eating dinner.  They looked up at us with nervous faces, we smiled, I shrugged my shoulders, and said, "Well...I'm pregnant!"  I then started crying again and my parents jumped up and gave us huge, loving hugs.  It was the best feeling.  We sat with them and they told us they couldn't focus all day because they were just so anxious to find out.  Dad said he did yard work for 2 hours after work to help distract him.  Kyhle called his mom and step dad and shared our news with them, and there were happy tears all around. 

We then sent out a group text to my siblings, Aunt, Uncle and cousins.  It sure was fun to read their excited, happy responses.  My sister, Laura, called me in complete shock because she thought I wasn't finding out for another week! She was talking about how she was so excited to plan a baby shower for me, and how fun it would be to finally be able to shop for my own baby.  

"We don't know if it's a Yankees fan, or a Cardinals fan, but it is definitely a baby!" 

We left my parents and went to Olive Garden to celebrate.  We announced on Facebook our happy news, and we were shocked and happily surprised at the loving response from all of our friends and family.  We were truly amazed at the amount of support we had and how many people were following our story.  We love you! 

I just couldn't believe it.  We were pregnant.  We were having a baby.  After over four years of trying, 4 failed IUIs, 6 months of Clomid, many sleepless nights, surgery for endometriosis, 1 round of IVF with our one good embryo, it was time.  Our baby was in my tummy.  Kyhle spent the next few days rubbing my belly, kissing it, and we were talking about names, nursery ideas, and doing research on things I should and shouldn't eat.  It was baby time. 

I had more bloowork on Thursday, and they were looking for my levels to double.  They went from 32 to 51, so it was good they at least increased.  They told me that they would test me again on Monday and to stay cautious...

Monday morning I went in for my lab work.  I waited all day for another phone call, just like waiting for our answer the previous Tuesday.  Around 2:30 in the afternoon, the nurse called.  When I answered, I heard it in her voice. 

Whitney: Hey Rebecca...how are you?

Me: I'm okay...

Whitney:  Well, unfortunately your level dropped back down to 30.  

Me: Oh, okay...

Whitney:  I'm so sorry, but Dr. Gentry doesn't think this is a viable pregnancy.  

Me: Okay. 

Whitney:  We'll have you come back Wednesday and see if it drops again. 

Me: Okay. 

I left work immediately, and knew that my mom was home from work sick that day, so I went straight to their house.  It was a surprise to my mom when I walked in their door and yelled her name.  She came to the stairs, I told her the news, and we sat and talked.  My dad happened to come home from work early that day, so when he walked in and saw I was there, he knew something was wrong. I hated having to tell them.  I hated that it wasn't the news we were wanting to hear.  I hated that just like that, it was over.  

I then called the nurse back and asked a few more questions.  She told me they've seen crazy things happen, and there was a small chance my numbers could go back up, as that just happened to a patient a couple of weeks ago.  So we had a little more hope to hold on to.  We had to pray and have faith, and put it in Heavenly Father's hands.  I couldn't accept that it would be over.  I had to believe that it would still be okay.  

I got the call at 12 today--my level dropped again down to 11.  They told me to stop my progesterone support, and let the miscarriage happen naturally. That was it.  Our joyous, happy week came to an abrupt end.  We no longer had a reason to celebrate, just more heartache.  They said that they'll have me come in next Tuesday to meet with the doctor and we will discuss our next step and whether or not we should try IVF again...starting over from the beginning since we have no frozen embryos.  We will also discuss doing genetic testing to find out if my body can carry a pregnancy or find if there are any other hidden issues.  

We are heartbroken.  Kyhle and I went from our highest high to our lowest low.  It's amazing how quickly something can be taken away from you.  We have to believe there is a reason for all of this struggle, and we have to know that Heavenly Father has a plan for our family.  But I can't help but feel a little angry and confused.  Why would I become pregnant and just carry my precious baby for one week?  Why would I be given such a strong, righteous desire to be a mommy ever since a I was a little girl, and then be given this specific trial?  I know there is a reason.  I just have to trust Heavenly Father that He will provide is his time. 

We will always cherish that one week of happiness.  That one week of pure joy and love for our sweet baby.  We will always carry that baby in our hearts and will never go a day without thinking about them, wondering if it was a son or a daughter, wondering if they would have been tan like daddy or pale like mommy. ;) Wondering what it would have been like to experience pregnancy, labor and delivery. We will always love our little June baby, and pray that someday, we will understand why we weren't able to raise them here on earth. 

We'll love you forever, little baby.   

It Takes Two, Baby

Transfer day has finally come and gone.  When we scheduled our IVF a couple of months ago, I felt like it seemed so far away and didn't want to wait any longer.  Then before we knew it, it was here.  The 11 days of injections flew by, the retrieval was done, we waited our 5 days for the eggs to grow to embryos, and now it was time.  

Kyhle and I were quite nervous for today, wondering how many of our embryos would be left to transfer and if we would be able to freeze any.  You see, on Friday, we got a call saying that out of our seven eggs, four of them fertilized.  They rate the embryos on a grading scale of 1-5, with 1 being the best quality.  One of our embryos was graded #1!  This was such great news to us!  The other three embryos were all grade 3--not horrible, but not great, either.  You can still transfer a grade 3, but odds are they won't stick.  We still had two days until transfer, so we were hopeful those three would progress a little further.  Unfortunately, you cannot freeze grade 3 embryos, so we were fearful this really would be our one chance. 

Kyhle took me on a fun little date last night to help distract me and boost my spirits.  We went to dinner at Smokey Bones, and then went to the mall to walk around and bought some candles and lotion at Bath and Body Works.  We then got some shakes at Steak and Shake, and came home and ended the night watching the Redbirds.  It was a pretty fun night, other than seeing the Cardinals lose to the Giants.  (We are watching game 2 now.)

When we arrived at the facility this morning, Dr. Gentry did not arrive until 9:15, so we just sat in our recovery room and took a little snooze for an hour.  When he walked in, he shared the news with us that the results were still the same as Friday--one grade #1, and three grade #3.  He told us the grade #1 was a perfect blastocyst and just what he wanted to see for transferring.  He let us know that we could decide if we wanted to go ahead and transfer one of the grade #3's just to take a chance and see if it would stick, and let us know that it would not take any chance away from our good embryo.  

So two it was.  I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to transfer all four just to give us the best chance possible of at least 1-2 sticking, especially since we couldn't freeze the rest.  It is very sad to me that those little embryos are just going to be thrown away.  After all our efforts to get them to grow and develop, I felt like that was a dagger to my heart.  

The transfer was quick and easy--just around 15 minutes long.  I had to lay flat in recovery for one hour, which was shear torture, as I had an incredibly full bladder.  They require you to drink 16-24 ounces of water so you can have a full bladder for the ultrasound, and I was so worried my bladder would explode on the table! The coolest part of the transfer was seeing the embryos on the ultrasound screen!  We watched them get placed right in to my uterus, and then we received a copy of the photo.  Kyhle was pretty giddy getting that little photo. I kissed it for good luck, and Kyhle has rubbed my belly a few times, saying, "Stick babies, stick!" :)  

We have just been resting at home the rest of today, and I am supposed to take it easy for two weeks--no lifting over 20 lbs, no exercise, no heavy housework.  I will be happy to go to work and come home to be lazy the rest of the night.  I was debating if I should go to work tomorrow or not, but I think I will be alright since I have a low-key job.  I am trying to save my PTO in case of  future baby appointments. :)

I know everyone is wondering, so we will be able to test in about two weeks.  In the fertility world, it is called the "two week wait".  It will be so hard to wait and wait, but I know that it will end up going by fast, just like the rest of the process.  We have waited four years, so I guess we can wait two more weeks. 

To be continued...

Lucky #7

As I lay here in my happy place on the corner of the couch, curled up with one dog at my feet, another on the floor in front of me, and my husband beside me, I am remind just how blessed I am to live such a healthy, happy life.  We live in a beautiful home, have loving families, loyal friends, and great jobs.  We have created so many wonderful memories in our four years of marriage so far, and I always look forward to adding more to the list.  I have always dreamt of being a mother.  As far back as I can remember, it was the one thing I have always wanted more than anything.  I remember making lists with my sisters of our favorite baby names when we were just kids; it is still one of my favorite things to do. 

With an incredible amount of help from our friends and families, Kyhle and I have been blessed with the opportunity to try in vitro fertilization, also known as IVF.  We knew it would be a long, hard process, filled with many ups and downs.  A month ago, I ordered all of my medications and received them in the mail a few days later.  We went to our IVF conference and met with the nurse about how to mix and administer all of the injections, and they gave me a calendar marked with the days and times I needed to take certain medications.  It was becoming more and more real.  Two weeks ago, I started taking the injections, Gonal-F and Menopur.  They are follicle stimulating hormones, and they create the follicles that "house" the eggs.  The doctor wants your follicles between 18-25 mm for retrieval.  The bigger the follicle, the better chance there is an egg inside.  Along the the injections, I also took Dexamethasone, which is a hormone suppressor, and Doxycycline, which is a strong antibiotic to help prevent me from getting sick.  I have also been taking Metformin for my insulin, and pre-natal vitamins, Magnesium, and Vitamin D.  

Over the last couple of weeks, I was monitored every couple of days with blood work and ultrasounds so they could watch the growth of my follicles.  We were feeling pretty discouraged, as my follicles weren't growing at the rate they had hoped, and I wasn't developing as many as they'd like to see.  On average, an IVF patient has 10 eggs for retrieval, but because of my low AMH levels, (I was born with fewer eggs than the average woman), my doctor was expecting we would get half of that.  My ultrasounds were showing that I only had 2 good size follicles, and 2 medium sized.  I was feeling concerned and down-in-the-dumps with my numbers, and really praying we would be able to somehow get some more follicles. Dr. Gentry decided to have me take my injections one more night to see if we could give them a boost and set my retrieval for Tuesday instead of Monday.  

My alarm went off at 1:45 Monday morning, and it was time for my HCG trigger shot.  This shot is given 36 hours before retrieval, and it triggers ovulation.  I climbed out of bed and went to the kitchen to get everything together.  This was the shot I was pretty terrified to give myself.  The needle is quite large and had to go in to my thigh.  I stood in the kitchen with the needle pointing at my leg for 20 minutes, and then finally went to wake Kyhle up to see if he would give it to me instead.  Of course he said no, so back to the kitchen I went.  I waited 10 more minutes and finally just did it!  It didn't hurt as bad as I was expecting and I was relieved it was over.  Unfortunately, I got so worked up over all of it that I couldn't fall back to sleep until 3:30, and I had to be up for work at 6.  :(

Then came Tuesday--today.  Kyhle and I left for the hospital around 12 PM and got all signed in for retrieval.  I was feeling extra nervous, which caused an uncomfortable amount of nausea and anxiety.  They took us upstairs and got me all hooked up to the IV and monitors.  This was more intense than I was thinking!  As my nurse walked us back in to the surgery room, my whole body was trembling.  I had in my head that this wouldn't be painful because I had pain meds through my IV.  Boy, was I wrong!  As soon as Dr. Gentry started his work, I was in tears.  There would be sudden, sharp amounts of pain and pressure that I had never felt before.  I am so grateful I had Kyhle by my side the whole time--he rubbed my head, held my hand, and wiped all of my tears.  I was crying from the pain, and then every time the nurse said "first egg!", "second egg!", "third egg!", I started sobbing more and more.  The best part? Seven eggs.  Seven!  I only had four follicles, but I had fluid in my ovaries and there were a few eggs hiding in there!  Dr. Gentry was so excited and just kept saying how pleased and surprised he was.  We never thought we would get seven eggs. 

Now we wait.  I will get a call tomorrow morning from the lab and they will let me know how many of our eggs fertilized and how many didn't survive.  Dr. Gentry says on average, 25% will not fertilize.  So far, we are scheduled for a day 5 transfer, which means they will put the embryos back to their "natural habitat" on Sunday.  I have tomorrow off work to stay home and rest all day, and hopefully will feel good enough to return Thursday.  They sent me home with pain and nausea medication, so I am hoping that will be all I need.  I am trying to save my PTO in case I get some pregnancy sickness. ;) We are so excited to see what happens next, and after finding our seven eggs, can't help but feel so hopeful and full of faith.  We know that this is a huge blessing from Heavenly Father, and know that He hears and answers prayers.  So for now, we keep praying, and keep believing in miracles.  

And So It Begins

To say the last week (or two) has been stressful is a major understatement.  We have really experienced one challenge after another, and Kyhle told me today if I am already this crazy before the hormone injections start, we are in for a long month (or nine!). ;) Many friends and family members have been asking me when everything starts and what all has to happen, so I thought I would go ahead and give you all a little run down of what will happen over the next month. 

 

First off, we had a successful garage sale yesterday at my parent's house!  My mom and dad put so much effort in to helping make it possible, and it really meant so much to us.  They worked hard with us to set up tables, go through their attic and house to find items to sell, and mom stayed up until midnight Friday night helping me finalize the details.  Kyhle made cookies for my nephew, Eli to sell with his lemonade stand.  I was so impressed with Eli's sweet manners.  He was so brave and would walk up to each customer and say in the sweetest voice, "Would you like some cookies and lemonade?" I won't lie--anytime someone said no to him it made me pretty upset!  How could you turn down a polite, loving boy?  We had a very chilly start to our day and enjoyed some hot chocolate in the morning and bowls of chili for lunch.  The sun finally came out around 1:00, and we ended up raising $150! 

 

Tomorrow morning is my baseline ultrasound.  This is to check the ovaries for any cysts or other issues.  I have been on birth control for a month to help regulate my cycle and get my body to a blank slate.  It is also to ensure they have "full control" over my cycle.  We are fully expecting my ultrasound to be free of any cysts, which means we will move forward with the process!  However, I can't help but feel a tad scared thinking of the possibility of them finding a cyst and having to put the whole process off another month.  I have been feeling so anxious this whole last week, and especially today.  It is truly on my mind at least 3/4 of my day. 

 

Kyhle and I will go to an IVF conference on September 23.  There, we will be taught how to mix and administer the shots, as I will be taking 4 injections a day.  Kyhle is pretty nervous for this, and I'd be lying if I said I weren't nervous myself!  Giving myself 1 shot a day for the IUIs was no problem.  Trusting Kyhle to give me 4 a day when he has never held a needle is a little scary! 

 

I will then start 12 days of injections on Wednesday,  September 24.  I will have blood tests and ultrasounds every 2-3 days to check the growth of my follicles and make sure all my levels are strong.  I will be taking Gonal-F and Menopur injections, progesterone oil injections, Doxycycline, Dexamethasone, Prednisone, Metformin, and an HCG Trigger shot to stimulate ovulation.  As of now, our retrieval is scheduled for Monday, October 6, and then transfer will be 3-5 days later. 

I cannot believe that we are already at this point.  It still doesn't feel real that we are able to give this a try.  We are incredibly hopeful and doing what we can to stay positive.  However, I can't help but be fearful of all that could go wrong.  My biggest fear is that they will find that my eggs are no good and we won't ever be able to have our own biological children.  We have always been very open and interested in adoption, but since our church no longer offers an adoption program, we worry that may not be possible for us for many years, as it is just so financially out of our reach right now.  While I am scared to find out if my eggs are or aren't good, I am grateful I will have that answer and be able to move on and forward with our family building journey. 

 

I have never felt my faith so tested before, and I know that this, too, shall pass.  This may be the hardest trial I have been given so far in my life, but I know it won't be the last.  I also know that Heavenly Father gave us this trial for a very specific reason, and though I can't always understand it, I always seem to find tender mercies such as: new and supportive friendships with women struggling with infertility, a strength I never knew I had inside of me, learning the art of having patience, and most importantly, a stronger and more loving marriage and partnership with Kyhle. 

 

Stay tuned...

 

A Beautiful Heartbreak

What an emotional week it has been. Every day brought something new, something surprising, something overwhelming.  I don't think I have ever felt so many ups and downs in one week!  I will say the ups...definitely outweigh the downs.  

Kyhle and I went to Terre Haute on Sunday to spend the day with his family.  As Kyhle was hanging out with his stepdad in the garage, my mother-in-law and I had time for a nice conversation.  She asked me all about our garage sale the weekend before, and about what all we still have to do for our fundraiser to be able to reach our goal.  We shared personal stories, and she gave me such great advice, and in that moment, I felt so grateful for my relationship with her, and was reminded why I am so blessed to have in-laws who want to help, and care about our journey.  Of course, too, she is ready to be a Grandma. :)

Monday started with a call to my doctor, asking about some symptoms I've been feeling for a few months that led me to believe I could have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome).  Things haven't been "normal" for a few months, and I was starting to get concerned.  After the nurse consulted with my doctor, she called back and said, "I spoke with Dr. Gentry, and he does think you have the signs of a 'PCOSer'.  If you want, we will order some blood work to check your testosterone and insulin, and go from there.  Call us back if that's what you would like to do."  Well of course I start thinking of all these things that should have been done differently in my testing and doctor visits.  However, I realized that I needed to just keep moving forward and not think about what could have been had we known about this sooner.  

Tuesday came along, and I still hadn't been able to reach the doctor's office to let them know we wanted to do the blood work, and I was starting to get very impatient.  I waited all day Tuesday for a phone call, and finally, at 3 PM, she called and told me she faxed the order to the lab, but I had to fast for 8 hours before I get it done.  So we wait 'til Wednesday.  I told my boss I would be late Wednesday so I could stop and get this blood work done first thing in the morning.  

Hello, Wednesday!  I arrived at the lab at 7 AM, got the blood work over with, and asked the phlebotomist how long until I received results. One week! Okay, so we wait.  Wednesday evening, a friend of mine posted a beautiful video by Hilary Weeks, with her new song, Beautiful Heartbreak.  As I watched and listened, I was overcome by such a strong spirit.  I watched the video 4 times over and over again.  As I was listening to her lyrics, tears streamed down my face, and I knew--our journey has been a "beautiful heartbreak."   I went to comment on the post and let my friend know how much I needed to hear that song in that moment.  As I went to comment, I saw my mom had commented right before me.  (My mom does't comment often on Facebook.)  I thought that was a funny coincidence that she watched that video just before I did.  

Fifteen minutes later, around 10 PM, my phone rang.  I was quite surprised to see how late it was getting a call, but when I saw it was my mom, I thought I better answer, and boy, am I glad I did!  What an amazing, incredible, humbling surprise! I took Kyhle's hand and just cried.  

"Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through, was the price that I paid to see this view.  And now that I'm here, I would never trade the grace that I feel, and the faith that I find, through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights.  I used to pray he'd take it all away, but instead it became a beautiful heartbreak."

With the help of our family and friends, and most of all, our parents, Kyhle and I have reached our goal, and, will be starting our IVF process in September!  We can't even begin to describe our feelings of gratitude and thanks.  Because of the love, support, and prayers from special people in our lives, we are one step closer to growing our family.  

Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.  

Love, Kyhle and Rebecca

A Successful Sale!

We had our garage sale on Saturday, and I am happy to report that we had a great turn out!  My sister, Laura, was generous to offer her garage/driveway to us, and she and her husband, David, were so much help!  Kyhle and I are so grateful for all of their hard work they put in to making this garage sale possible.  My mom was able to haul a mountain of items up to my sister's to donate, so we had a pretty good amount to sell.  On the Saturday before, we went to Laura's to go through all of the items and price everything out.  Families from Laura's ward loaned us some card tables to set up, and that was such a big help.  Thank you, Westfield ward!  

We woke up bright and early Saturday morning, and got everything set up out in the driveway.  We started the sale at 8:30, and we put sings in the front of the neighborhood and on  lamp posts with arrows back to the house, as Laura lives in the back of her neighborhood.  I posted the sale on Craigslist and Facebook, so we were hoping for a good turn out.  

My three year old nephew, Eli, was so excited to have his first lemonade stand and bake sale!  Laura made some brownies and chocolate chip cookies.  Lemonade was 50 cents and the baked treats were 25 cents.  Eli made $5 on his first sale!  The neighbor was outside washing his truck when he saw Eli set up his table, and came on over and put $5 in Eli's cup!  Eli sure did cling tight to that money!  He was such a sweet little sales man, and you just couldn't say no to him.  :)

I was getting worried as a whole hour went by and we had zero customers come by.  I thought the shoppers would be out early!  Finally around 10:00, a few cars pulled up and the sale officially kicked off!  We really sold quite the mixture of items--baby items were definitely most popular.  We sold dishes, radios, jewelry, clothes, toys, CDs, DVDs, a dresser, and a few other pieces of "junk."  We had busy spurts throughout the whole day.  We would go 20 minutes with no action, then 4 cars pull up at once.  We ended up closing the sale at 4 PM, and we were happy with the result of our hard work.  

My dad came up and joined us for the afternoon (mom is out of town), and he seemed to have a good time hanging out and playing with Eli.  The boys played with Eli's toys in the front yard in between sales, and Dad bought us pizza for lunch.  Thanks, Dad!  

We still have SO much left over, that we are hoping to have another sale at my parent's house in Greenwood the first weekend of September (as long as weather permits), so I am hoping we can have an even better turn out.  My parents live in the front of their neighborhood on the main street, and they have a ton of traffic coming through all day.  

And now the results of the sale--we were able to raise $153.00!  How awesome is that?  I wasn't sure what to expect, as I had never had a garage sale before, but seeing as most of what we sold was between 50 cents-$3, I'd say $153 is pretty good!  :)

With the help of our sale, we are now up to $3,289.25 in our baby fund!  We love seeing that number increase!  Every dollar gets us closer and closer to our future baby, and we feel so excited and anxious to get to our goal.  I can't believe what we have been able to do in a matter of three months.  We are hoping to do our IVF in September or October, so I am excited to see what we can do in the next couple of months!  

Come Shop With Us!

As we work to raise enough money to do our IVF (in vitro fertilization), I have a hard time not trying other treatments, as well, such as more IUIs.  I hate feeling like months are going by without doing everything we can to try to become pregnant.  I really want to always be doing everything in my power to have a baby, but I guess working toward raising money is me doing something.  I just hope it pays off!  On the other hand, I have also been enjoying this "time off" from medication, injections, and doctor's appointments.  However, we have not been completely on hold.  We are finally able to have a garage sale!  My sister, Laura, offered her house for us to be able to have a successful sale!  My mom and Laura both gathered a bunch of items from their houses to donate to our sale, and it gave us a great reason to clean out our closets, while also preparing to move.  Kyhle and I were able to collect 6 trash bags full of shoes and clothes!  I feel like I lost 1/2 my wardrobe!  

On Saturday, we went up to Laura and David's house to go through everything, put price stickers on the items, and set everything up.  We are so excited to see how the sale turns out, and are hopeful we will be able to make a dent in our baby fund.  We are also going to have a bake sale outside, along with my nephew, Eli, who will have a little lemonade stand.  The sale will be this Saturday, July 19, from 9:30-3.  Let me know if you'd like to come check out what we have, or maybe buy some cookies/brownies, and I'll give you the address! 

I have also been thinking about asking around to local restaurants and find out if any of them would do a dine to donate for us.  Do any of my Greenwood or Fishers friends know restaurant managers who would be open to that? 

We are definitely making progress thanks to all of YOUR help!  We are always so excited and humbled when we receive a new donation.  We have a dry erase board on our bedroom dresser with all of the donations written down.  On the top, we have how much we've raised, THE GOAL, and how much we have to go.  I love seeing it every morning, and being reminded how truly blessed we are to have family and friends who want to help us make this dream come true.  We are about half way to our goal.  Thank you! 

The Goal: $7,000

Raised so far: $3,036.75

To go: $3,963.25

I am considering doing another bake sale, like my mom did with the teachers at school.  I am curious how many of our friends (local) would be interested in ordering cookies, brownies, or cupcakes if I were to do this?  I am trying to think of other fundraising ideas, as well, but am running low on options.  I am also  happy to baby-sit, if any of my friends would like a date night, or just a couple of hours outside of the house.  I am available in the evenings, and some weekends.  Hit me up; I am more than qualified! :)

If you wold like to make a donation, you can donate directly to our savings on Paypal by using Kyhle's email address: kyhle.porter@gmail.com 

If you do not have a Paypal account, but would still like to donate, feel free to send a check in the mail (ask me for our address), or you can donate on gofundme.com by searching for our names.  

We are grateful for the progress that has been made.  A few months ago, we wouldn't have even imagined we would be where we are now.  With prayers and support from our loved ones, we are making baby steps every day.  That, my friends, feels awesome.  What a difference it makes to be able to talk about this journey, and share it with our friends.  

Making Progress

We got our official IVF packet in the mail last week.  Boy, did that make it feel real!  When I called the nurse to let them know we were working toward it to try for a September or October transfer, she told me she would go ahead and send me all the paperwork and prescriptions so we could plan better and take our time getting everything filled out.  As Kyhle and I were going through the 50 pages (PHEW!) we were surprised at the small details that never even crossed our minds.  We have to inital every single page to acknowledge that we read it and understand it all.  The consent forms were what really made it feel like a big deal.  We have to fill out and sign off on what we will do with the frozen embryos if anything were to happen to one of us, such as divorce or death.  Well of course we hadn't thought of that!  There are three options for each circumstance--1. The living spouse can keep and continue to use the embryos, or if there is a divorce, you can sign off on whether one of you wants to keep them.  2.  You can throw them all away :( 3.  You can donate them to the labs for research.  A friend of mind told me that she heard of a family where the wife passed away, and the grandparents wanted to keep the embryos so they could have a grandchild.  What a crazy situation.  

The packet also had order forms for both Kyhle and myself to get a whole slew of blood tests done before we can start any medications.  I hadn't thought of Kyhle having to get any.  I was also surprised at some of the things they are testing our blood for.  Then of course there was my list of medications required.  I am going to have my own little drug store right here in our apartment!  Even Kyhle has to take some antibiotics to make sure he stays healthy during the process.  It sure feels good to get the ball rolling and feel like we are actually making progress! 

Speaking of progress, I wanted to update you all on our fundraising status!

Goal: $7,000.00

Raised: $2,575.25

To go: $4,424.75

We are pretty excited that the number is getting smaller and smaller!  We have been trying to think of some other fundraising ideas, but I am feeling a little discouraged at our options.  Also, sadly, the part-time job at Lane Bryant fell through due to scheduling conflicts with my full-time job, so I am back to the drawing board for that.  I also feel bummed that at a part-time job,  I won't be able to bring home as much as we'd like.  We were hoping to do a garage sale at my parent's, but timing didn't work out with that, either.   Kyhle keeps telling me he feels guilty for not getting a second job, but I reassure him every day that he is doing exactly what we need him to do by finishing school!  He started classes back up this summer, and should graduate in December 2015!  I am thinking of trying to baby-sit in the evenings and some weekends if anyone wants to go on a date night! ;) I would also be more than happy to stay overnight with kids, as I have done a few other times if parents are wanting to get away for a night.  Keep me in mind! :)

We did our Thirty-one drawing, and the lucky winners were Ashly LaFeber, Laura Hayes, and Missy Hughes!  Congrats to you ladies, and thank you to all of our other friends and family who entered that raffle, while also donating to us! 

If you would like to make a donation, you can donate through the following options:

1. Paypal--use Kyhle's email (kyhle.porter@gmail.com)

2. Gofundme -- you can search our names on the website (Gofundme keeps 5%)

3. Send a check through snail mail :)

In two weeks, I have had five family members and friends announce pregnancies, and another find out they are having twins from a successful IVF, and instead of bringing me sadness and jealousy, I feel a sense of joy and excitement in knowing that our time will come, and we are enjoying the journey along the way.  Our marriage has grown stronger every step of the way, and we have found a new love for each other that we wouldn't have without this experience.  For that, we are grateful.  

Support

Something I have grown to love is searching other infertility/adoption blogs, and reading stories of hope, success, heartache, faith, and love.  My family always gives me a hard time for not sitting down and focusing on a book, but I do!  Only it's blogs instead. ;) I have learned so much through other women (and some men) who have written about their journeys.  Sometimes I end up in tears, sometimes laughter, and sometimes just pure confusion.  I have joined a couple different infertility support groups on Facebook and I have really enjoyed all of the support and love everyone in that group shows each other.  You can talk about everything on that page, vent your frustrations and heartaches, share happy stores and prayers...everyone understands and no one judges.  

Right now, my life consists of working on our treatment plan, and trying to find ways to fund everything.  My focus is usually always on "baby."  When I post on my Facebook or Instagram, many times it has something to do with infertility/babies.  I will post uplifting quotes, funny memes, ecards, etc.  While I realize it can get annoying how much I post about this topic, it is what is going on in my life right now.  This is what we are going through, what we are struggling with, what we are growing from.  I also know that I talk about it a lot in casual conversation with friends and family.  I can see how it can get old to hear about every decision we are trying to make, and every thought that I say when I am thinking out loud. With many women struggling with infertility, all we need is someone to vent to.  We need people who will just let us get out all of our thoughts and frustrations without judgement and without feeling we can't keep talking about it. 

I just hope people know that I am grateful for their listening ears and open hearts.  I know it can get old listening to me talk about the same topic and issues over and over again, but that is exactly what I need sometimes.  This is a journey that needs to be shared.  Too often, women feel they cannot talk about their struggles because others feel it needs to be kept private and personal.  Then they have a failed cycle, horrible medicine side effects, an unexpected cyst that puts everything off a month, and no one to turn to other than their spouse.  While we are grateful for our spouses, we need people outside of our marriage to turn to.  

I am also so grateful for the gospel, and the knowledge I have that Heavenly Father loves us, and answers our prayers.  While we may not understand why something is going the way it is, it will all make sense in the end.  We have to remember that He knows how we are feeling.  He knows our heartaches, and He has felt every ounce of pain we are feeling.  He is there day or night, rain or shine.  I can talk to Him whenever I feel the need to get something off my chest.  I am grateful that this journey has brought me closer to Him.  I have seen on my infertility support page, a lady asked, "I just don't get how any of you can believe in God--he obviously doesn't love us if he makes us go through this..."  That broke my heart.  I know Heavenly Father loves me, and I know that he believes in me and trusts that I will make it through this and be stronger that I have ever been.  He has faith in me, and so I will put my faith and trust in Him.  

Blessings

You know those days where you just can't get your brain to shut off?  I have had so much going through my mind the last couple of weeks, and I keep thinking about blogging, but then put it off because I don't know how to put into words exactly what I have been feeling.  I hope this post doesn't sound like a mumbled jumbled mess, and I hope I don't get my words mixed up, but please just bear with me. :)

As you all know, Kyhle and I have been working on fundraising to help cover in vitro fertilization (IVF). We have done a Thirty-one raffle, and the names will be drawn tomorrow for the winners.  First place will win $100 worth of thirty-one products, and second and third will win $50 in products.  Thank you to all of you who participated in that raffle!!  The support we have felt during that has been a huge blessing. 

During the month of May, my mom's life is pure chaos as she is in the middle of senior projects, finals, and submitting final grades for her seniors.  When she wanted to take breaks from the grading, she would bake cookies and other yummy treats, and then sell them at school in the teachers' lounge.  First she started selling them to her students, and they were loving it!  Unfortunately, she found that she isn't allowed to sell treats to the students for multiple reasons, and the kids got pretty bummed about that.  However, my loving mom helped us raise around $130 from cookie sales!  She would sell 2 cookies for 75 cents, and it seemed to work like a charm.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, to my mom!  It really meant so much to Kyhle and myself that she worked so hard to try and raise as much as she could for us.  She's a true blessing. 

We have also been accepting donations on gofundme and popmoney.  We are incredibly grateful for all of the donations we have received.  Each and every donation means more than you know.  Every time I get a message about a donation, my heart swells with such love and gratitude.  Every amount means that we are that much closer to reaching our goal.  So far, we have raised a little over $1,200!  Two hundred of that has to go to Thirty-one to pay for the raffle prizes, so we are really at $1,000 now.  What an amazing blessing.  

I have also decided to take a second job working part-time at Lane Bryant a couple of evenings and Saturdays.  The money I earn from that job will go straight to our baby account and hopefully it will help us get there even faster.  It will be a sacrifice to lose time on the weekends with family and Kyhle, but we know in the long run it will definitely be worth it.  I was very lucky and fortunate for the way the job was basically handed to me.  I have become friends with the manager from shopping there frequently the last couple of years, and when I asked her if they were hiring, she told me the job was mine if I wanted it and I wouldn't even have to interview!  Another awesome blessing.  

Our hope is to earn enough money to be able to do our IVF by August or September.  I will lose my Lilly insurance (through my dad) when I turn 26 in July of 2015.  We are hopeful we can get pregnant on our first round, but I still feel the pressure of having success within the next year.  When it comes to infertility and insurance, timing is everything!  If you would like to donate to our baby fund, you can donate through the website gofundme.com.  (http://www.gofundme.com/8rg5i4)  They keep 5% of the donations, but we will get the rest.  If you would prefer, you can also donate online at popmoney.com, or mail a personal check/money order in mine or Kyhle's name.  Our goal is to raise $5,000.  If you have questions on how you can donate, please don't hesitate to ask one of us.  I wish there were a better way to say thank you, and express just how lucky we feel to have friends and family who want to help and support us.  

As Kyhle and I approach our 4th anniversary next month, I am reminded of all we have endured together to become parents and bring a child into our family.  While it hasn't been how we planned, it's our story.  What a journey the last 4 years have been.  We have grown tremendously individually and as a couple.  When I sit and tearfully ask Heavenly Father, "Why?  Why me?  Why us?"  I remember all of the blessings we have received in our marriage, big or small, and how we would not be where we are today without this trial.  We have made friendships with other couples also struggling that we wouldn't have without this.  Our marriage has never been stronger, and while our testimonies have been tried at times, we know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and his plan is perfect.  I cannot blame myself for not being able to become pregnant naturally.  I cannot feel like I am holding Kyhle back from the gift of being a parent.  I have to remind myself that he married me because he loves me, and not because I could give him children.  We will love, cherish, and care for our sweet baby even more because of what we have been though to bring them to us.  I am grateful for that, and I have to remember that during harder times. 

Our Journey So Far

Kyhle and I were married in July of 2010.  We wanted to have children right away, and knew we wanted at least four kids.  Fast forward 12 months, and still no baby.  I met with my OBGYN to talk about why were weren't pregnant yet, and see if there was anything we could do differently.  She put me on Clomid (the evil drug) and thought that would solve our problems.  Fast forward 6 months, and still no baby.  January of 2012, we met with our first RE, also known as a fertility specialist.  We did some testing and blood work, and Kyhle got a clean bill of health and everything looked good on his end.  In May of 2012, I had a laparaoscopy where they found stage 1 endometriosis, along with a cyst on one of my tubes.  They also checked and made sure my tubes were clear.  On August 8, 2012, I had my first chemical pregnancy, which is a miscarriage before 5 weeks.  We decided to try Artificial Insemination, also known as IUI, and I used gonal-F injections, HCG trigger shot, and progesterone.  We ended up doing two IUIs with Dr. Carnovale, and both treatments failed.  

We took some time off over the summer of 2013, and then met with a new RE, Dr. Gentry, in November of 2013.  He did cycle 3 labs and found that I have a low AMH level, also known as my ovarian reserve, or egg count.  I was born with a smaller amount of eggs than the average woman, and so I will run out earlier than most women.  For a 25 year old, the number should be 2-3, and my number was 0.5.  Dr. Gentry summed it up as I need to get pregnant ASAP, and if we want more than one child, we need to cross our fingers that we get multiples, as I have a limited window before running out, and am at high risk for early menopause.  I have done two more IUIs with Dr. Gentry's office, and had my second chemical pregnancy on February 27, 2014.  

We are now at the point of needing to choose a next step between IVF and adoption.  After much prayer and careful consideration, we have decided to go for in vitro fertilization (IVF), as Dr. Gentry believes we have a very high chance of success.  Kyhle and I feel that if there is still that chance of us having our own children, we need to do everything possible to try.  We know that in the end, it is in Heavenly Father's hands, and if we are meant to become pregnant, we will.  We have to put our faith and trust in Him, and know that He has a plan for us.  We believe the Lord placed these amazing doctors in our lives for a reason, and gave them the gift of helping couples like us become pregnant.  One thing we love about Dr. Gentry is his strong faith, and that he will openly talk about how he just does his part, and God does the rest, and that ultimately, it's up to Him.  

Unfortunately with IVF, they do not accept payment plans, and everything has to be paid up front.  I am very grateful and lucky that I am on my parent's insurance plan for one more year until I turn 26.  With that plan, I have some fertility coverage, which is very rare.  All of my blood work and ultrasounds are covered, and I only have to pay 10% of my medications.  However, this is still a very expensive process, and with us only have a year left of this coverage, we are asking for help from our friends and family.  I am in the middle of doing a fundraiser with Thirty-one, and hosting a raffle.  We are also going to be having a garage sale at my parent's house the first weekend in June.  I have also set up an account on "Popmoney", where anyone can send us a donation straight to our savings account.  We originally set up a page on gofundme, but they keep 5% of the proceeds, so we wanted to find a different option where the money went directly to us.  

I wanted to break down the costs of everything, to show you all exactly where your loving donations will be going.  The total cost for IVF at our office is $9,200, with an additional $3,000-$5,000 for medications.  As I said above, we only have to pay 10% of the medication cost.  Grateful for that!  Our office also offers a 20% discount on physician fees if paid with cash, and 10% if paid with card.  

Physician Fees

1 Baseline Ultrasound $340 (Covered)

4 Follicle Ultrasounds $1,080 (Covered)

5 Estradiol Blood tests $675 (Covered)

1 Retrieval $2,080

1 Transfer $850

Total: $2,344 (with 20% discount)

Laboratory Fees

1 Oocyte Identification $975

1 Culture Fertilization day 1-3 $608

1 Culture Fertilization day 4-7 $608

1 Sperm Isolation $370

1 Insemination of Oocytes $525

1 Prep. of Embryo for Transfer $305

Total: $3,391

Surgery Facility

Procedure Room Assessment/Recovery $974

Procedure Room for Transfer $370

Total: $1,344

Pharmacy

$300-$500 (10%)

Kyhle and I will never be able to say thank you enough to all of you for your prayers, support, and love.  We truly are blessed with the best friends and family, and are amazed every day for all you each do for us.  Every single amount helps, and gets us closer to our goal.  If you would like to help, but cannot make a donation, you can share this post, and spread the word about our fundraising efforts.  Together, with your help, we can make this dream come true.  Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

Thirty-one Raffle

1 ticket for $5, or 5 tickets for $20.  First place winner will receive $100 in Thirty-one products, and second and third place will each receive $50 toward products.  The rest of the proceeds (after the $200 for prizes) will go toward our fund.  If you'd like to buy tickets, just let me know and I'll put your name down! Then you can either mail me the money, or send it to our account on Popmoney.  I have sold 15 tickets so far, and have 85 more to sell before we do the drawing. 

Popmoney

If you'd like to make a donation, all you need is my email address (rlmporter@gmail.com)and phone number (317-446-3774)!  Go to popmoney.com and you can make the donation straight to our account.  

https://www.popmoney.com/

“Your Father in heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him.”  -Jeffrey R. Holland

Working Together Toward a Goal

I was telling Kyhle earlier that I was bored and he told me to read a book.  Ha!  Read a book?  Does he know who he's talking to?  ;) I told him I was going to write on my blog.  He says, "Which one?"  I replied, "The only one I ever write on anymore..." He responded, "What are you going to say?"  I said, "Not sure yet...it comes to me as I write."  

This past week was National Infertility Awareness Week.  I am a part of a few groups on Facebook for women/couples battling infertility and I loved seeing all of the posts, pictures, statues, and blog entries with their stories of hope, success, heartache and faith.  I even reached out to a few of the women who wrote some of the posts, and have developed new friendships with them.  I'm telling you--it's an instant bond!  

One topic I have read a lot about lately is fundraising to help pay for treatments and/or adoption.  Unfortunately, fertility is mostly not covered by insurance companies, and has to be paid out of pocket.  Couples pay anywhere from a few hundred-$30,000 for treatments.  Something else I learned is that 1 in 7 couples struggle with infertility, and 40% is male factor infertility.  It is so sad to me that just to be able to start a family and have children, couples have to take out loans, refinance their homes, max out multiple credit cards, and save every last penny.  If I had known it was going to take us 4+ years to get pregnant, man...I would have looked at money a lot differently!  It is also heartbreaking to me that money is the issue for most couples.  Money is the one thing standing between these couples and their precious babies.  Stupid money!  

A few friends have suggested that Kyhle and I do fundraisers to help pay for us to do IVF.  It has taken me a while to think about it, and think about the idea of asking friends, family, and complete strangers for their help.  A couple of friends have said, "We want to help you.  Those who love you want to do what they can to support you guys and be a part of your journey."  I have never been one who can easily ask for help.  It takes a lot for me to swallow my pride and admit that we can't always do things on our own.  

I have read a lot on the site gofundme.com and found hundreds of couples on there trying to raise funds for IVF treatments and adoptions.  I was shocked at how many people were on there!  It just confirmed to me that so many amazing couples are just trying to build their families, but they need the help of their loved ones and any willing strangers to help them out.  I found out that Pampered Chef and Thirty-One both do fundraisers, and I have found consultants to help me set those up!  My mom and I also talked about fundraising ideas such as selling candy bars at her school to the students for $1, baking yummy treats and selling them in the teacher's lounge, at church, or at work, and possibly doing a 3 on 3 basketball tourney or golf tourney.  We also talked about setting up a garage sale at my parent's house in May or June to help raise money for IVF.  

Two of the reasons this is so important to me now is because I have insurance coverage for 1 more year, where all of my medications ($3000-$5000) are covered, along with some of the procedure.  After I turn 26,  I lose my Dad's insurance, and possibly will lose any fertility coverage.  Another reason is because of my ovarian reserve already being so low at .5.  Unfortunately, Dr. Gentry has told me this gives me a limited amount of time to get pregnant.  I have the egg count of a woman in her mid-30s, instead of her mid-20s.  It also puts me at high risk for early menopause.  

For Pampered Chef, I can host an online catalog party, and 10-15% of the proceeds go to our fundraiser.  For Thirty-One, I will do a raffle and sell 100 "squares."  Each square will sell for $5, or 4 for $15.  After 100 have sold, first place winner will receive $100 towards Thirty-One products, and second and third place will receive $50 of products.   The rest of the money will go toward our fundraiser.  :)  I thought with Mother's Day coming, it was good timing to do both of those fundraisers.  I'm not sure how many people are interested in either of those, but it never hurts to try!  

I am also going to set up a page on gofundme.com for anyone who would just like to donate to our fund.  If you would like to be a part of our journey, I will post the link on my blog and my Facebook.  We are so grateful for our friends and family, and would never be able to make it through this trial without you.  Every single one of you who reads this blog are so special to me.  If you are reading this blog, it shows that you care and that you are invested in our journey.  We love you for that.  Our baby will be so incredibly loved by their parents, their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and many, many friends.  We will be very lucky and blessed parents, but they will also be a very lucky and blessed child.  

http://www.gofundme.com/8rg5i4