Making Progress

We got our official IVF packet in the mail last week.  Boy, did that make it feel real!  When I called the nurse to let them know we were working toward it to try for a September or October transfer, she told me she would go ahead and send me all the paperwork and prescriptions so we could plan better and take our time getting everything filled out.  As Kyhle and I were going through the 50 pages (PHEW!) we were surprised at the small details that never even crossed our minds.  We have to inital every single page to acknowledge that we read it and understand it all.  The consent forms were what really made it feel like a big deal.  We have to fill out and sign off on what we will do with the frozen embryos if anything were to happen to one of us, such as divorce or death.  Well of course we hadn't thought of that!  There are three options for each circumstance--1. The living spouse can keep and continue to use the embryos, or if there is a divorce, you can sign off on whether one of you wants to keep them.  2.  You can throw them all away :( 3.  You can donate them to the labs for research.  A friend of mind told me that she heard of a family where the wife passed away, and the grandparents wanted to keep the embryos so they could have a grandchild.  What a crazy situation.  

The packet also had order forms for both Kyhle and myself to get a whole slew of blood tests done before we can start any medications.  I hadn't thought of Kyhle having to get any.  I was also surprised at some of the things they are testing our blood for.  Then of course there was my list of medications required.  I am going to have my own little drug store right here in our apartment!  Even Kyhle has to take some antibiotics to make sure he stays healthy during the process.  It sure feels good to get the ball rolling and feel like we are actually making progress! 

Speaking of progress, I wanted to update you all on our fundraising status!

Goal: $7,000.00

Raised: $2,575.25

To go: $4,424.75

We are pretty excited that the number is getting smaller and smaller!  We have been trying to think of some other fundraising ideas, but I am feeling a little discouraged at our options.  Also, sadly, the part-time job at Lane Bryant fell through due to scheduling conflicts with my full-time job, so I am back to the drawing board for that.  I also feel bummed that at a part-time job,  I won't be able to bring home as much as we'd like.  We were hoping to do a garage sale at my parent's, but timing didn't work out with that, either.   Kyhle keeps telling me he feels guilty for not getting a second job, but I reassure him every day that he is doing exactly what we need him to do by finishing school!  He started classes back up this summer, and should graduate in December 2015!  I am thinking of trying to baby-sit in the evenings and some weekends if anyone wants to go on a date night! ;) I would also be more than happy to stay overnight with kids, as I have done a few other times if parents are wanting to get away for a night.  Keep me in mind! :)

We did our Thirty-one drawing, and the lucky winners were Ashly LaFeber, Laura Hayes, and Missy Hughes!  Congrats to you ladies, and thank you to all of our other friends and family who entered that raffle, while also donating to us! 

If you would like to make a donation, you can donate through the following options:

1. Paypal--use Kyhle's email (kyhle.porter@gmail.com)

2. Gofundme -- you can search our names on the website (Gofundme keeps 5%)

3. Send a check through snail mail :)

In two weeks, I have had five family members and friends announce pregnancies, and another find out they are having twins from a successful IVF, and instead of bringing me sadness and jealousy, I feel a sense of joy and excitement in knowing that our time will come, and we are enjoying the journey along the way.  Our marriage has grown stronger every step of the way, and we have found a new love for each other that we wouldn't have without this experience.  For that, we are grateful.  

Support

Something I have grown to love is searching other infertility/adoption blogs, and reading stories of hope, success, heartache, faith, and love.  My family always gives me a hard time for not sitting down and focusing on a book, but I do!  Only it's blogs instead. ;) I have learned so much through other women (and some men) who have written about their journeys.  Sometimes I end up in tears, sometimes laughter, and sometimes just pure confusion.  I have joined a couple different infertility support groups on Facebook and I have really enjoyed all of the support and love everyone in that group shows each other.  You can talk about everything on that page, vent your frustrations and heartaches, share happy stores and prayers...everyone understands and no one judges.  

Right now, my life consists of working on our treatment plan, and trying to find ways to fund everything.  My focus is usually always on "baby."  When I post on my Facebook or Instagram, many times it has something to do with infertility/babies.  I will post uplifting quotes, funny memes, ecards, etc.  While I realize it can get annoying how much I post about this topic, it is what is going on in my life right now.  This is what we are going through, what we are struggling with, what we are growing from.  I also know that I talk about it a lot in casual conversation with friends and family.  I can see how it can get old to hear about every decision we are trying to make, and every thought that I say when I am thinking out loud. With many women struggling with infertility, all we need is someone to vent to.  We need people who will just let us get out all of our thoughts and frustrations without judgement and without feeling we can't keep talking about it. 

I just hope people know that I am grateful for their listening ears and open hearts.  I know it can get old listening to me talk about the same topic and issues over and over again, but that is exactly what I need sometimes.  This is a journey that needs to be shared.  Too often, women feel they cannot talk about their struggles because others feel it needs to be kept private and personal.  Then they have a failed cycle, horrible medicine side effects, an unexpected cyst that puts everything off a month, and no one to turn to other than their spouse.  While we are grateful for our spouses, we need people outside of our marriage to turn to.  

I am also so grateful for the gospel, and the knowledge I have that Heavenly Father loves us, and answers our prayers.  While we may not understand why something is going the way it is, it will all make sense in the end.  We have to remember that He knows how we are feeling.  He knows our heartaches, and He has felt every ounce of pain we are feeling.  He is there day or night, rain or shine.  I can talk to Him whenever I feel the need to get something off my chest.  I am grateful that this journey has brought me closer to Him.  I have seen on my infertility support page, a lady asked, "I just don't get how any of you can believe in God--he obviously doesn't love us if he makes us go through this..."  That broke my heart.  I know Heavenly Father loves me, and I know that he believes in me and trusts that I will make it through this and be stronger that I have ever been.  He has faith in me, and so I will put my faith and trust in Him.  

Blessings

You know those days where you just can't get your brain to shut off?  I have had so much going through my mind the last couple of weeks, and I keep thinking about blogging, but then put it off because I don't know how to put into words exactly what I have been feeling.  I hope this post doesn't sound like a mumbled jumbled mess, and I hope I don't get my words mixed up, but please just bear with me. :)

As you all know, Kyhle and I have been working on fundraising to help cover in vitro fertilization (IVF). We have done a Thirty-one raffle, and the names will be drawn tomorrow for the winners.  First place will win $100 worth of thirty-one products, and second and third will win $50 in products.  Thank you to all of you who participated in that raffle!!  The support we have felt during that has been a huge blessing. 

During the month of May, my mom's life is pure chaos as she is in the middle of senior projects, finals, and submitting final grades for her seniors.  When she wanted to take breaks from the grading, she would bake cookies and other yummy treats, and then sell them at school in the teachers' lounge.  First she started selling them to her students, and they were loving it!  Unfortunately, she found that she isn't allowed to sell treats to the students for multiple reasons, and the kids got pretty bummed about that.  However, my loving mom helped us raise around $130 from cookie sales!  She would sell 2 cookies for 75 cents, and it seemed to work like a charm.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, to my mom!  It really meant so much to Kyhle and myself that she worked so hard to try and raise as much as she could for us.  She's a true blessing. 

We have also been accepting donations on gofundme and popmoney.  We are incredibly grateful for all of the donations we have received.  Each and every donation means more than you know.  Every time I get a message about a donation, my heart swells with such love and gratitude.  Every amount means that we are that much closer to reaching our goal.  So far, we have raised a little over $1,200!  Two hundred of that has to go to Thirty-one to pay for the raffle prizes, so we are really at $1,000 now.  What an amazing blessing.  

I have also decided to take a second job working part-time at Lane Bryant a couple of evenings and Saturdays.  The money I earn from that job will go straight to our baby account and hopefully it will help us get there even faster.  It will be a sacrifice to lose time on the weekends with family and Kyhle, but we know in the long run it will definitely be worth it.  I was very lucky and fortunate for the way the job was basically handed to me.  I have become friends with the manager from shopping there frequently the last couple of years, and when I asked her if they were hiring, she told me the job was mine if I wanted it and I wouldn't even have to interview!  Another awesome blessing.  

Our hope is to earn enough money to be able to do our IVF by August or September.  I will lose my Lilly insurance (through my dad) when I turn 26 in July of 2015.  We are hopeful we can get pregnant on our first round, but I still feel the pressure of having success within the next year.  When it comes to infertility and insurance, timing is everything!  If you would like to donate to our baby fund, you can donate through the website gofundme.com.  (http://www.gofundme.com/8rg5i4)  They keep 5% of the donations, but we will get the rest.  If you would prefer, you can also donate online at popmoney.com, or mail a personal check/money order in mine or Kyhle's name.  Our goal is to raise $5,000.  If you have questions on how you can donate, please don't hesitate to ask one of us.  I wish there were a better way to say thank you, and express just how lucky we feel to have friends and family who want to help and support us.  

As Kyhle and I approach our 4th anniversary next month, I am reminded of all we have endured together to become parents and bring a child into our family.  While it hasn't been how we planned, it's our story.  What a journey the last 4 years have been.  We have grown tremendously individually and as a couple.  When I sit and tearfully ask Heavenly Father, "Why?  Why me?  Why us?"  I remember all of the blessings we have received in our marriage, big or small, and how we would not be where we are today without this trial.  We have made friendships with other couples also struggling that we wouldn't have without this.  Our marriage has never been stronger, and while our testimonies have been tried at times, we know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and his plan is perfect.  I cannot blame myself for not being able to become pregnant naturally.  I cannot feel like I am holding Kyhle back from the gift of being a parent.  I have to remind myself that he married me because he loves me, and not because I could give him children.  We will love, cherish, and care for our sweet baby even more because of what we have been though to bring them to us.  I am grateful for that, and I have to remember that during harder times.