Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

I guess we will just keep waiting.  I don't know what I was really expecting to happen this time around, or why I thought it would be any different.  The test first thing this morning was negative, and then an hour later, I got confirmation.  I called the nurse to let her know and her response was, "Well we will have you rest this month to give your ovaries a break, but I just want to let you know that so many of our couples get pregnant on their rest month."  She then proceeded to say, "I don't know you very well, but if I were you, I would party and have fun on New Year's Eve, because that's when so many people get pregnant!"  Really?  Like I get she was trying to be fun and upbeat, but it really wasn't helping.  I went ahead and ordered the medicine again for another round of IUI, because I wanted to order it before the year is over so it can go under this insurance with the deductible.  However, I'm not sure if we will try an IUI again.  It is such a challenging month on all the injections, and having the appointments at the spur of the moment, and it takes such an emotional and physical toll on both of us.  We got so excited this month, and felt so happy and good about everything.  Why would we want to feel that again just to be let down...again? 

I just feel so lost at this point.  I'm not sure what I want to do, other than go on a beach vacation and get away from it all.  I am grateful that it came today instead of coming late, so that I didn't have that hope still in the back of my mind, and I am able to let family and friends know so they don't think I will be announcing anything on Christmas.  Maybe I am just meant to be "Aunt Becky" and let go of everything else.  We really don't have any other options, unless some miracle happens and we come up with $10,000 for IVF/adoption.  I have to continue to have faith that Heavenly Father will bless us when it's the right time, but it is so hard not to get angry and hurt every month when it isn't happening and we are doing everything we can.   

Perfect Timing

I can't believe it has already been a month since my last post and we are now ready for IUI #3!  It has been a rough, emotional couple of weeks since I started my injections, and Kyhle and I are incredibly grateful that those have come to and end (for now).  Kyhle didn't hesitate to tell me if I was being a bit cranky and crazy. Since my dosage was doubled, I struggled with some horrible headaches, hot flashes, and mood swings.  My mom said to me one night, "Now you will have more sympathy for women who have gone through menopause!"  

Though it has been a challenging couple of weeks, I am very happy that I have responded very well to the higher dosage of injections, and the doctor is very pleased with my progress so far.  I've had 4 ultrasounds in the last 2 weeks, and each scan showed great progression, with multiple, larger follicles.  The ideal size for a follicle is anywhere between 18-25 mm.  You also hope you can end up with 2-3 follicles for the procedure.  Our last two IUIs, I ended up with only 1, as I had follicles disappear right before.  In my first scan, I had five  good looking follicles, and in my last scan on Thursday, I had seven!  I was so excited!  Now, this doesn't mean all seven will fertilize.  As I said, they need to be 18-25 mm, and not all seven were that large.  However, we are expecting 2-3 to be of the right size, which is just what we want to see!  

Kyhle and I will go in for the procedure tomorrow morning at 7:30.  I am nervous, yet this is the calmest I have felt in our whole journey.  I feel ready.  I feel prepared.  I feel like everything has lined up perfectly this time around.  I have responded so well to the injections, I was able to get tomorrow morning off without any stress involved and worrying about getting back in time, and Kyhle just happens to be on vacation this next week, so he won't have to worry about his schedule tomorrow, and he will be able to actually go to my appointment with me.  He was unable to go to the first two IUIs, and I know I will feel much more at peace having him by my side.  Another thing that seems perfect and like a dream come true, is that we will find out if it works or not right at Christmas time.  My whole family is coming home for Christmas this year, so we will all be together.  I understand that could go really well, or horribly wrong.  

Kyhle and I, along with some family and friends fasted today.  In my prayer this morning, I asked Heavenly Father for acceptance and understanding if this procedure doesn't work.  I know we both have our hopes up since everything has worked out so well to this point, and I know we will be crushed if it doesn't work, but I also know that just because timing seems perfect and feels right to us, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's perfect to Heavenly Father. 

 

I am still keeping the faith and staying hopeful. :)