I want to be a mom more than anything. Ever since I was a young girl, that is seriously all I dreamed of. That, and being a red carpet host at the Oscars. ;) I'm not quite sure why, but I really thought September was going to be our month. We really hadn't been thinking about baby for the last 5 months, and it was our first month back into the process. I was super positive, cheerful, and couldn't stop thinking about maybe being able to make a Christmas announcement.
Unfortunately, that was not the case. It wast just like the other 37 months--negative. Remember how much I hate that word? I probably have never hated anything more, other than infertility itself. We have no choice but to pick ourselves up, and try again. However, my biggest question of all, is how much longer are we going to have to try again? How many more months, how many more years are we going to struggle with this battle? I'm ready!
But that's not the plan, is it? Heavenly Father has a different plan in mind for Kyhle and me, and we cannot question His plan, however much we may want to. No, we cannot question His plan, but we can try other options to see if maybe that is what He has in mind for us. Right? I have been reading adoption profiles and blogs all week of couples from the church looking to expand their families. How do you not compare yourself to them? How do you not wonder which couple would be better? How do you not wonder which couple would get picked and placed?
I did some research on the church adoption website called itsaboutlove.org. Ready for some statistics?
The total amount of couples with published profiles: 672
Couples in Indiana: 2
Couples in Utah: 328
Couples in the 20-25 age range: 22
Couples in the 25-30 age range: 198
Couples without children: 236
Couples with a dog: 313
I know I have said this before, but it can take 8-12 months just to get your paperwork finished and get approved to be on the list. After approval, it could be 1 week, 1 year, 5 years...no one knows when you'll get placed with a baby. Just because you get chosen by a birth mother, doesn't mean you'll end up getting placed. That's a sad lesson I have been reading a lot about. I have found many couples who have shared their stories of getting chosen, but then the birth mother changes her mind at the last minute and keeps the baby. I found a few couples that experienced that heartache multiple times. What an awful thing to go through! I cannot imagine being at the hospital with our new baby, holding them, loving them, naming them, and then...nothing.
A friend of mine asked me, "If you start the adoption process, do you feel like you would be giving up trying for your own baby?" My answer? No, I feel like that is us moving forward with the process of expanding our family and bringing a child into our home. I will never stop trying to get pregnant. However, I would like to be pro-active and find a way to become a mom, whichever way Heavenly Father has planned for us.
