Five days late.
Then I wake up this morning, and what do ya know? There she is.
I texted my mom and my sisters because they were all waiting to find out if I would be pregnant or if I was just really late.
"I'm sorry about your period. Another delay of your heart's greatest desire. Hope is one thing there always is." -Mom
Of course I was crazy bummed this morning, and wanted nothing but to stay in bed all day and be sad. But, off to work I went. While driving to work, I had severe cramps, causing me to hold my stomach and take long, deep breaths. I figured they would just go away in a couple of minutes, and it would just be a crummy first day with cramps, bloating, and mood swings. Wrong! My cramps and pains continued throughout the morning at work, but different than I've felt before. They were also accompanied with horrible lower back pain, headaches, dizziness and nausea. (TMI alert!!) Everything felt different to me this morning, and I had a feeling something was up.
I ended up leaving work early, and calling my fertility doctor to talk to them about my symptoms. The nurse had me come in to take a blood test, wondering if I was having a miscarriage.
Miscarriage?
So not only is it taking me 2 years to get pregnant, but when I do (or at least we think I did) get pregnant, my body won't carry it? I'm not liking the way this is going...
I went home after the doctor, changed in to my PJs, curled up on the couch, and just cried. For a while. I didn't really know what to think. All I want is a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.
A few hours later, my nurse called with the test results...
Chemical Pregnancy
What the heck is a chemical pregnancy!?
They say it is indeed conception, just a very early miscarriage, at 4-5 weeks. Luckily, they don't do anything for a CP, and they are quite common. She said most women don't even know they've had one, because they often happen before a positive pregnancy test, which was my case. I was just able to find out that's what happened because I pay such close attention to my cycles and symptoms.
I am grateful I didn't have a positive pregnancy test, because it would have given me time to get my hopes up and be so excited. But, it's still hard. Still a bummer. Still sad. Still frustrating. Still a failed pregnancy.
I have taken the day off tomorrow to take it easy, get some rest, and have time to myself. I'm grateful for all the love you all have shown us through phone calls, emails, texts, Facebook, etc. It means the world to both Kyhle and myself. We'll be okay. It'll take time to not be sad anymore, but we'll be okay. I definitely love my husband.
Keep trying! ;)
