Working Together Toward a Goal

I was telling Kyhle earlier that I was bored and he told me to read a book.  Ha!  Read a book?  Does he know who he's talking to?  ;) I told him I was going to write on my blog.  He says, "Which one?"  I replied, "The only one I ever write on anymore..." He responded, "What are you going to say?"  I said, "Not sure yet...it comes to me as I write."  

This past week was National Infertility Awareness Week.  I am a part of a few groups on Facebook for women/couples battling infertility and I loved seeing all of the posts, pictures, statues, and blog entries with their stories of hope, success, heartache and faith.  I even reached out to a few of the women who wrote some of the posts, and have developed new friendships with them.  I'm telling you--it's an instant bond!  

One topic I have read a lot about lately is fundraising to help pay for treatments and/or adoption.  Unfortunately, fertility is mostly not covered by insurance companies, and has to be paid out of pocket.  Couples pay anywhere from a few hundred-$30,000 for treatments.  Something else I learned is that 1 in 7 couples struggle with infertility, and 40% is male factor infertility.  It is so sad to me that just to be able to start a family and have children, couples have to take out loans, refinance their homes, max out multiple credit cards, and save every last penny.  If I had known it was going to take us 4+ years to get pregnant, man...I would have looked at money a lot differently!  It is also heartbreaking to me that money is the issue for most couples.  Money is the one thing standing between these couples and their precious babies.  Stupid money!  

A few friends have suggested that Kyhle and I do fundraisers to help pay for us to do IVF.  It has taken me a while to think about it, and think about the idea of asking friends, family, and complete strangers for their help.  A couple of friends have said, "We want to help you.  Those who love you want to do what they can to support you guys and be a part of your journey."  I have never been one who can easily ask for help.  It takes a lot for me to swallow my pride and admit that we can't always do things on our own.  

I have read a lot on the site gofundme.com and found hundreds of couples on there trying to raise funds for IVF treatments and adoptions.  I was shocked at how many people were on there!  It just confirmed to me that so many amazing couples are just trying to build their families, but they need the help of their loved ones and any willing strangers to help them out.  I found out that Pampered Chef and Thirty-One both do fundraisers, and I have found consultants to help me set those up!  My mom and I also talked about fundraising ideas such as selling candy bars at her school to the students for $1, baking yummy treats and selling them in the teacher's lounge, at church, or at work, and possibly doing a 3 on 3 basketball tourney or golf tourney.  We also talked about setting up a garage sale at my parent's house in May or June to help raise money for IVF.  

Two of the reasons this is so important to me now is because I have insurance coverage for 1 more year, where all of my medications ($3000-$5000) are covered, along with some of the procedure.  After I turn 26,  I lose my Dad's insurance, and possibly will lose any fertility coverage.  Another reason is because of my ovarian reserve already being so low at .5.  Unfortunately, Dr. Gentry has told me this gives me a limited amount of time to get pregnant.  I have the egg count of a woman in her mid-30s, instead of her mid-20s.  It also puts me at high risk for early menopause.  

For Pampered Chef, I can host an online catalog party, and 10-15% of the proceeds go to our fundraiser.  For Thirty-One, I will do a raffle and sell 100 "squares."  Each square will sell for $5, or 4 for $15.  After 100 have sold, first place winner will receive $100 towards Thirty-One products, and second and third place will receive $50 of products.   The rest of the money will go toward our fundraiser.  :)  I thought with Mother's Day coming, it was good timing to do both of those fundraisers.  I'm not sure how many people are interested in either of those, but it never hurts to try!  

I am also going to set up a page on gofundme.com for anyone who would just like to donate to our fund.  If you would like to be a part of our journey, I will post the link on my blog and my Facebook.  We are so grateful for our friends and family, and would never be able to make it through this trial without you.  Every single one of you who reads this blog are so special to me.  If you are reading this blog, it shows that you care and that you are invested in our journey.  We love you for that.  Our baby will be so incredibly loved by their parents, their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and many, many friends.  We will be very lucky and blessed parents, but they will also be a very lucky and blessed child.  

http://www.gofundme.com/8rg5i4

Options

There will always be surprises along an infertility journey, but starting birth control pills seems to be a tad ironic to me.  I feel like we just took 5 steps backwards!  I know in my last post I said we were done with IUI, but we decided to try one more time.  When I went in for my routine ultra sound scan a couple of weeks ago, they found a large, 20 mm cyst on my right ovary.  This means that I did not ovulate during the month of March, and the follicle turned in to a cyst instead.  To shrink the cyst, they started me on a high estrogen birth control for 3 weeks.  I will have my next scan on Friday, and if the cyst isn't smaller than 15 mm, then I will have to have another laparoscopy to remove it.  

I knew if the cyst didn't shrink enough, then we would have to put the IUI off another month (at least), but I was just told this past Friday that surgery would be the next option, and that threw me for another loop.  My parents and I met with Dr. Gentry this last Friday to discuss why the cyst developed, and if doing another IUI would be the right decision, or if we should move on with a different option.  Dr. Gentry did tell us that while IUI isn't a horrible idea, we would definitely have a much better chance if we move on and do IVF.  Also if we were to do IVF, we would find out if my eggs are even capable of fertilizing.  I already had ordered my meds for another IUI, but the same meds can be used for an IVF, so I will just save them for now and make more decisions later on. We can't decide anything until we figure out if surgery will be necessary or not.  Dr. Gentry did say that having surgery could be good because then he could go in and check for any endometriosis and "clean me out" before we do anymore treatments.  When I asked them when we would do it, they said it would probably be the end of April/early May.  The idea of having another surgery so soon and having to take a couple of weeks of work last minute like that just stresses me out to no end!  Praying that everything will turn out okay, and the cyst will either be gone or small enough to not require any more work. 

For some reason, I can't let go of the possibility of doing IVF.  Not only has it been my dream since I was a little girl to be a mommy, but it has also always been a dream of mine to be pregnant.  I remember stuffing my shirt with a pillow and walking around pretending I was pregnant, and posing with my "pregnant belly" in the mirror.  I still have moments where I will look in the mirror and imagine what I would look like carrying my baby.  How do I let go of that dream?  Ever since marrying Kyhle, I've always tried picturing what a baby would look like with a little bit of him and a little bit of me.  I go through our old baby pictures and close my eyes to think of our babies.  I am also only covered on this insurance until my 26th birthday (one more year), and it currently covers all blood work, ultra sounds, and medicine, which is HUGE!  I feel like I have to take advantage of such good coverage while I have it.  

A friend of mine recently found out she is pregnant with twins through IVF!  I am so incredibly happy and excited for her, but it definitely makes me rethink our next steps.  I can't help but wonder, "If she got pregnant and is having twins, then maybe it'll work for us!"  I can't think that way.  Every woman is different, and every journey is different.  Dr. Gentry has told me a few times that I am a "rare case".  I told my mom that I wish he would look at me and say, "You know what?  You are a special case, a special couple, and I want to do everything I can to help make your dream come true, so I will do all of this pro bono!" Now wouldn't that be a dream come true?  ;)

Some days and weeks are just rougher than others, and I have to remember that everyone is battling something.  This just happens to be our battle.  I have to remember that my patriarchal blessing says that I will be a mother, and I have to lean on that, and have faith that it will happen when it is supposed to happen.  I have to remember that just because we don't have the 1-2 children we thought we would have by now, doesn't mean we aren't a family.  I am so grateful for my little family with Kyhle, Jeter, and Gehrig.  I have to remember that I am a wife, an Aunt, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a teacher, a niece, a cousin, and a granddaughter.  I just can't wait for the day that I can add "Mommy" to that list.