I cannot believe it has been almost 6 months since our last failed IUI. After that happened for the second time, I felt like I just needed some time off. I needed to turn my attention to something else other than baby. We took some much needed time off, and I think that was just the right thing to do. We had such a busy, eventful summer, and it was so nice to not have fertility on my mind the whole time. Obviously I would think of it every so often, but not as much as I would before.
I have had a couple of friends come to me over the last few months and share with me their struggles with trying to have or expand their families, and I have thoroughly loved talking to them, and being there to support them through this difficult trial. It has really helped me become stronger, and has taken my mind off my own struggle. I was telling one of my friends that infertility really is like a sisterhood. No one can understand it until they have been through it. Family and friends are so supportive and are there for you when they can be, and are great listeners, but they really just can't understand the whole situation. When I learn of a new woman who is fighting this battle, I feel an instant connection with her, and feel like I can't talk to her about everything and she will understand. She understands what it is like to feel the mixed emotions of being happy for pregnant friends, but feeling so sad and confused at the same time. She understands what it is like to have a happy face when attending baby showers, baby blessings, visiting friends and family in the hospital, and then crying when she walks through the door coming home.
I keep getting a strong feeling to not give up. Something keeps telling me that it will happen. We will get pregnant, and we will have a baby. The problem, though, is that I'm not quite sure if it's my stubbornness and selfishness telling me that, or something completely different. I have talked about adoption many times on here, but I keep feeling that if adoption were the answer for us, we would have started that journey by now. I'm not sure if it's because I can't let go of the idea of being pregnant, or if it's because I really do feel that it'll happen...eventually. I'm not saying I know it'll happen soon, or even within the next year, but I just know it will happen. I have prayed and prayed, read my Patriarchal blessing over and over, and just in the last month, have been feeling strongly that that is my answer-- keep trying. It is not time to move on to other options. I am not saying that time won't come, but it's not right now. Yes I am selfish and stubborn, and want to have my own baby through pregnancy, but I know the spirit is telling me to keep trying, and to not give up. So much has happened for us in the last 3 years, with so much more still to come.
I love this quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. I am sure I have shared it before, but it is a great reminder to those of us who are fighting any battle.
“Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.”
On a side note, I am a huge fan of The Bachelor. If any of you feel the same, (I know many do,) then you remember Sean Lowe. His sister, Shay, is a blogger, and I stumbled across her blog a few weeks ago. I read her blog about infertility last night. Such a positive post, and confirmed my feelings, as well. If you have a couple of minutes, read her post!
