I guess we will just keep waiting. I don't know what I was really expecting to happen this time around, or why I thought it would be any different. The test first thing this morning was negative, and then an hour later, I got confirmation. I called the nurse to let her know and her response was, "Well we will have you rest this month to give your ovaries a break, but I just want to let you know that so many of our couples get pregnant on their rest month." She then proceeded to say, "I don't know you very well, but if I were you, I would party and have fun on New Year's Eve, because that's when so many people get pregnant!" Really? Like I get she was trying to be fun and upbeat, but it really wasn't helping. I went ahead and ordered the medicine again for another round of IUI, because I wanted to order it before the year is over so it can go under this insurance with the deductible. However, I'm not sure if we will try an IUI again. It is such a challenging month on all the injections, and having the appointments at the spur of the moment, and it takes such an emotional and physical toll on both of us. We got so excited this month, and felt so happy and good about everything. Why would we want to feel that again just to be let down...again?
I just feel so lost at this point. I'm not sure what I want to do, other than go on a beach vacation and get away from it all. I am grateful that it came today instead of coming late, so that I didn't have that hope still in the back of my mind, and I am able to let family and friends know so they don't think I will be announcing anything on Christmas. Maybe I am just meant to be "Aunt Becky" and let go of everything else. We really don't have any other options, unless some miracle happens and we come up with $10,000 for IVF/adoption. I have to continue to have faith that Heavenly Father will bless us when it's the right time, but it is so hard not to get angry and hurt every month when it isn't happening and we are doing everything we can.
So sorry Beck! Hang in there... Good things do come to those who wait. We are excited to see you and the rest of the family later today! Love you!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. We are in the exact same boat. I can relate to every single feeling and thought you have. It sucks and you don't know when to quit. We are trying to come up with the money too for those reasons. Good luck! I pray for you all the time.
ReplyDeleteI am so sad for you. I hope you had a great Christmas with your family and you were able to enjoy it. Praying the new year will be your year to get a sweet little blessing. So sorry for all the hurt you have gone through.
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