I have had so many of you wonderful people give us the nicest compliments, and such awesome support. For that, we are grateful. For that, we love you!
I have heard a few times recently that Kyhle and I have such good attitudes, and are staying so strong and positive throughout this difficult trial. I don't think any couple can make it through without thinking positive and having strong faith, with a good attitude. I think it would be impossible. But, I definitely do not have a good attitude everyday. I have my bad days. My mood swings. My "I feel sorry for myself" days. I feel pressured. Then I think of other people in my life who have experienced much more difficult trials, and I am humbled. How grateful I am that I am only 23 years old and in good health. How grateful I am that I have such a loving, faithful, and supportive husband that I love to spend time with.
Kyhle has been right there by my side through all of our infertility heartache. Obviously he wants a child more than anything in this world. If it were up to him, we would have 9 kids and start our own baseball team! (Sorry to disappoint, honey!) But it has taken a different toll on me. I feel guilty. I feel like it's my fault we don't have a baby yet.
For the last 18 months, I have been a faithful at "temping", taking ovulation tests, and recording every little detail each month. I know it has been hard on Kyhle and definitely puts pressure on him. I also know it has (sadly) kind of taken the "romance" away. Since I hit my four month post-surgery mark, I have been feeling a little more stressed and losing a little more hope. Definitely feeling much more pressured.
As we were on our date last night, I told Kyhle I wanted to stop "trying." Music to his ears! I am going to stop taking my temperature every morning, stop taking ovulation tests, and stop recording every little detail. How long will that last? I want to enjoy the holidays with my husband and family. I want to enjoy upcoming events, and an upcoming vacation. I don't want to be stressed out about what cycle day I am on, and how much time we are going to have. I want to take the pressure away.
Yes, I am still going to be obsessed with babies. I always have been. Always will be. I will still write on here all the time and let you know how we are doing, and what kind of mood I am in.
As I reached onto my bedside table this morning to grab my thermometer, I stopped myself. Was it hard to not take and record my temperature? Absolutely. Is it going to be a challenge for me to let go and stop wondering what else I can do differently? Absolutely. Is it going to take the pressure away? Let's hope! Is it going to bring the romance back to our lives? That's for me to know and you to never find out! ;)
I think that's awesome to stop stressing about all that goes along with "trying." I have a couple friends that had been trying for a couple years and just when they stopped "trying" is when they got pregnant. I think stress is a major factor of not getting pregnant. Don't stress, Heavenly Father has a plan for you!
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